Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
