i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
