oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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