i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
