I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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