guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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