please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize