Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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