tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
