How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
