Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
