HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
