So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize