I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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