I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
