I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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