i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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