I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
