im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
