I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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