Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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