My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
