So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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