I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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