I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
