I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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