Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
