It's like a parade of train wrecks.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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