Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
there is puke in my bra ... again
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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