Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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