hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize