Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
