Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize