someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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