That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
