I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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