my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
