Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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