Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We left the knife in your bed.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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