At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
