No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
