just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My bed smells like the plague
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
