I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
