oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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