I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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