No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
