Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
