suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You made out with two different species that night
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
