I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Randomize