It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
