I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
