Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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