just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
