Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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