So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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