I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
