she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
tell me about the eggs
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
