So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
So vagazzling was a success
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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