i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
