We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Will you blow on my dice?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
