There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
