After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
