Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I fill condoms, not promises.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
my liver is dry heaving
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
