Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
