Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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