Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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