i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
