Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I wish I only lived at night.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
