I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
