kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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