well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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