so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Do vagina's smell?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
