i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
