today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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