Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
