It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
