I'm going to rape someone's good day.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
