So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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