this just has baby written all over it
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
