So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
