That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
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