Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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