idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
