Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
