dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize