You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize