Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
