I accidentally burped into my bong.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
