first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
even my farts smell like vagina
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
