It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
