So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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