how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
