i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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