you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
