I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
