Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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