I can't breathe out the right side of my face
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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