Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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