omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
