please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
