She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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