Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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