I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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