he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
