nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
