you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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