She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I am naked and annoyed.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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