I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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