no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
