I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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